I was at work drinking my coffee when a small spider scurried across my desk. Thankfully, on this particular day, the majority of the office was gone so only three people could hear my high pitched shrilling. That spider was a fast little asshole!
I grabbed my napkin and tried to smash him but he was dodging every advance I made! In my urgency to squash Mr. Spider I dropped my napkin. I refused to bend down and pick it up because I knew the second I took my eyes off the demon he would jump on me, climb in to my nose, and lay devil baby eggs that would suddenly crack and come oozing out. I grabbed my spoon and just randomly started trying to hit the spider "Wack a Mole" style. I must have angered it because the little cuntcake dashed towards me. I threw my spoon at it and shrieked, "I can't! I just can't!"
Stephanie sat at her desk, watching me, and laughing. (You Bitch!)
K came out from her section of cubical land with C.
K: "What are you screaming about!? Is there a possum? A rat?"
Steph: ::giggle:: "I know what it is..."
Me: "It's a spider!"
K: "A big spider?"
Me: "A SPIDER!!!!"
C: "Okay, resident spider killer is here."
K: "...Really, Ali?"
So C killed my spider and threw it in the trash.
Oh yea, I should probably mention C is a volunteer firefighter. So, no, I didn't call the fire department or anything crazy like that... But it's still funny to say "A firefighter had to come kill a spider for me."
Again, when it comes to spiders...