Wednesday, June 4, 2014

A firefighter had to come kill a spider for me

Yes, the title is true.  I'm not even kidding and I'm not ashamed!


I was at work drinking my coffee when a small spider scurried across my desk.  Thankfully, on this particular day, the majority of the office was gone so only three people could hear my high pitched shrilling.  That spider was a fast little asshole!


I grabbed my napkin and tried to smash him but he was dodging every advance I made!  In my urgency to squash Mr. Spider I dropped my napkin.  I refused to bend down and pick it up because I knew the second I took my eyes off the demon he would jump on me, climb in to my nose, and lay devil baby eggs that would suddenly crack and come oozing out.  I grabbed my spoon and just randomly started trying to hit the spider "Wack a Mole" style.  I must have angered it because the little cuntcake dashed towards me.  I threw my spoon at it and shrieked, "I can't!  I just can't!"


Stephanie sat at her desk, watching me, and laughing.  (You Bitch!)

K came out from her section of cubical land with C.

K: "What are you screaming about!?  Is there a possum?  A rat?"
Steph: ::giggle:: "I know what it is..."
Me: "It's a spider!"
K: "A big spider?"
Me: "A SPIDER!!!!"
C: "Okay, resident spider killer is here."
K: "...Really, Ali?"

So C killed my spider and threw it in the trash.

Oh yea, I should probably mention C is a volunteer firefighter.  So, no, I didn't call the fire department or anything crazy like that...  But it's still funny to say "A firefighter had to come kill a spider for me."

Again, when it comes to spiders...



  1. OMG...Thank you for the laugh!!!!!!! I needed a good laugh after the week I've been having!!!!!! OH, and I totally saw a spider on my dashboard WHILE I WAS DRIVING today....It was small and HAIRY...I screamed...freaked my daughter out in the backseat....I pulled out a baby wipe....tried to kill it, and instead, I brushed it off into God knows where in my car. Then I couldn't concentrate on driving because I was afraid the darn thing would crawl up my leg or something....then out of nowhere I saw it on my passenger seat....and I got him with the entire baby wipe package...I hate spiders too...

    1. Spiders are evil! They are sneaky little bastards that want to crawl into your skin and lay their demon spawn babies in there! ....Okay, that's dramatic... But really, they freak me out! I think finding them while you are driving is the WORST! You poor thing!

  2. Bwahahaha! Spiders ARE evil! If you kill one, they will go back to their spider horde and return to haunt you. Probably a good thing you passed it off to the firefighter...